Whining Wednesday - or a Christmas fable of a girl, her dog and the smelly guy at the post office

Actually, I know it's Tuesday because Tuesday is stinky guy day at my post office

(I send Olive in and look how excited she is about it)

Her sense of smell is, of course, about a gazillion times better than mine, so this is especially cruel

(please don't report me)

No clue how anyone could possibly cultivate a stench this powerful and still remain unaware of it.

This is not the smell of hard work and sweat - a totally relatable smell to us makers during the holiday season as we rush to get our goods into the mail

(so they can get smashed and lost just in time for the holidays)

No, not a hard work kind of smell just a very bad smell and somehow no matter how I time my Tuesday shipping I always meet up with this guy.

(the smell is what I would imagine it would be if dead animals threw up on his clothing and then he filled the pockets full of hard boiled eggs and left it all in his car trunk for a year ... in the desert)

On the other hand, I do get freaked out if a gigantic bodybuilder kind of guy smells like fabric softener.

(maybe the holiday rush is making me punchy)

When I was unemployed

(and that should narrow it down to, um, most of the time between 2001-present)

there was this huge guy at the gym.

He had a tattoo composed of about 50 human skulls inked on one arm and it was of lesser quality, if you know what I mean, like it could have been done over the course of a short prison term - say breaking and entering maybe - using a ballpoint pen and a thumbtack.

And, it was always unnerving to me when I'd see him throwing up in a trashcan after he'd dead lifted the equivalent of a Ford dealership and he'd still be smelling like a Care Bear ... yes, the pink one.

So, I don't like guys who smell bad and I don't like guys who smell good. No clue what this says about me. Luckily hubby is a kind of non-smeller who rarely even needs deodorant, but maybe this is too much information ... sorry.

(like I said, the holidays are making me punchy)

So, for everyone out there who is spending these last couple weeks leading up to Christmas running around like a maniac getting everything done and working up a sweat, I just wanted to tell you that I'm right there with you, I can feel your pain and frankly Olive can smell you from here ....